My Anxieties.

This is my massive step, one more in a series of steps that I have taken to increase my independence.

I've begun this blog because I have a story to tell. A story about where I have been and hopefully of where I am heading. It's a story about how I lost myself, my smile, my light. About how I was broken and ultimitely about how I struggle through life as a person petrified of life itself.

I have an invisible "illness" that cripples me, I suffer from Social Phobia. I hate the word illness to describe my mental health, perhaps it is because I feel my issues are a part of me. I feel that I have to live along side of them and accomodate for them. I have tried CBT but due to other issues along with the feeling of pressure the time-orientated CBT brings, I've have had no success thus far. I have tried anti-anxiety drugs, tablets helped when I was depressed, but the side effects I felt in the first two days of taking these just weren't realistic for me as a single mum to take time to adjust to. Instead of these treaments, for now I am going to try and persevere as I am whilst searching out alternatives.

So... I have been accepted into university! This is massive! I quit college after struggling for 1 year and a half with my anxiety, at just 18. Now at 23, with less than enough Ucas points, I am proud to say I have been accepted into my local university! This is my biggest challenge yet and yet my excitement is overriding my fear, for now. I will be taking myself and my 17 month old son, by taxi (accomodating!) to campus two days a week. Close to home, as not to isolate myself further by trying to grasp too much independence, also the creche is on site. * BIG sigh of relief*

I don't want my blog to be filled with negatives. I am positive! I live with my mental health and battle it everyday, but this is my journey for something better. Hopefully it will educate and inspire as we all struggle through life with our own demons <3