Testing the Waters.

So last night I sat and wondered if I was setting myself up for a fall, doing too much all at once. I got scared and lost my confidence in my abilities. I thought how stupid it was to start a blog, to try and sell Younique and to attempt Uni. I'm still excited but now I feel this big daunting adventure looming over me.

Today is my little loves taster day for creche which means it's all becoming more real. It also means getting a taxi there, a taxi back and then to do it all again when I pick him up. So I'm making a plan of action haha it helps ease the anxiety if I know what I'm doing when I'm out. Should I stay at the university and check out the facilities, or ask the taxi to wait so I can run straight home? It depends on how brave I feel.

I'm hoping he doesn't cry when I leave, it will add an extra weight to my chest. I just have to remember this will be the start of something great for us both, so I'll soldier on. It might be strange to describe my son as my comfort blanket but pushing a pushchair gives me something to grip hard when I'm walking past someone. When I can't breathe or don't dare to and when my chest is tight, I just hold on. I talk at him to distract myself and look down at him to give me a reason to avoid eye contact. When he's not here my house feels empty and I feel lonely. My little boy was the 6lbs 8oz something that changed my life into something worth living.

Luckily it's only 2 hours so I won't feel too lost without him, just a bit more anxious. Once I start my course I will have something to keep me occupied in the hours he's gone and he'll be making so many new friends. Not that he has trouble with that, my social little bunny <3. He's not like his mummy. Time to get ready I suppose, wish me luck!